Friday September 22, 2017

 

Yes, This is me - Jamie. Just thought I'd share.

It's been a while hasn't it? Yes, as usual I've been been busy busy busy. I have a little something to share today. Just another one of those,"The way I see things." Anyhow...

I’ve been trying to make sense of some things for so many years and I do believe something of an answer has finally presented itself. Those of you that have read my book will understand better, if you haven’t, I think it will still make sense on some level. Let me give it a try…

I imagined myself to be a butterfly, fluttering along on a beautiful day, following my course, following my heart. I suddenly had to decide, for just a moment, whether to continue to follow my heart or to be what I thought was responsible (I swear, I can be as dumb as a rock sometimes). I chose to be responsible and made a slight turn. A few days later I heard about a big big storm whose path had altered, only slightly, but altered because of the flapping of my wings when I chose not to follow my heart. A tiny edge of this storm touched in a location that would have otherwise been avoided had I stayed on my path - following my heart. The result of this tiny deviation had an unforeseeable consequence – a consequence so ghastly, so awful, it never would’ve even entered my mind. Someone I cared so deeply for was taken from me, taken from this life in the most awful way. “It’s not your fault, you can’t blame yourself” they said. I already knew that. To make matters worse, this same chain of events occurred a second time and because of my decision, someone else I cared deeply for was taken from this life. I want to add that I myself have avoided similar consequences that only by what I see as divine intervention, am I here to tell this story (this divine intervention has happened for me more than once, I only wrote about the most dramatic in my book).

So why am I still here but those very special others aren’t?

I don’t know.

The point is, the answer that finally presented itself is that while I know that what ultimately happened is not my fault – I didn’t cause the storms, I also know that I played a decisive role in the events that played themselves out. No, it’s not a burden of guilt that I carry, no, it’s a heart that’s been shattered in ways I can’t begin to describe. I really am a very happy person by nature. I guess we all have our moments.