April 17, 2019 - I'm Okay And I Do Appreciate Your love And Concern...

Hi again everyone. I hope you're all doing well. Here we are well into the spring of 2019 and the temp in Southern California is already 80+ degrees. Of course there's always a lot going on in my life. If you've been reading my posts you'll know that the end of January and all of February was a very difficult time for me. On January 22 I wrote a piece that had the title of  'To Be Or Not To Be'. I was in a deep dark depression and considered whether or not I wanted to continue on. I'l leave it to you if you wish to have a look at that post and understand what I'm talking about. I'm more or less getting back to my usual self again (whatever that may be - I'm never quite sure myself lol).

I'm so grateful to have such incredible friends...

Thank goodness I have such incredible friends. Someone very close to me asked (when I was in my darkest place) if I'd been thinking about hurting myself (again, see January 22 for details) and after some hemming and hawing and feeling like she could see into my heart and read my mind I admitted that I'd been giving it some very serious thought. I believe she  and her boyfriend spoke to another very close mutual friend and he is apparently trying to raise some money for me to get back to my therapist for a much needed visit that I can't afford. If any of the 3 of you are reading this, "Thank you very much. I'm so grateful to have friends like you. Please know that I'm okay and I don't actually see ending things as a valid option. I love you all so much and am fighting the tears of deepest gratitude right now. If I'd had people like you in my life when everything I loved and worked for was utterly destroyed I probably would have avoided so much pain that included years of severe morphine addiction and 7 months of homelessness. Your the best I could ever hope for in my life."

So life moves on...

As I adjust and recover I've decided that a big move is what I need. I'm making plans to either go back to Milwaukee or move in with my long distance boyfriend in St. Petersburg. If you're familiar with my philosophy about whether suicide is a valid option to solve problems you'll understand that I see Milwaukee or St. Petersburg as options that, "might be better, may be the same as I have right now, or could possibly be much worse" (see previously mentioned January 22 post for what that means). At least the choice of moving to a new city allows the option of walking away if the new environment turns out to be the same or worse than what I have now. Even if worst case means someone else taking my life then at least the decision of my fate will be in the hands of something far more loving and wise than I can ever be.

Along with all that...

I've also made a tremendous number of new friends on Facebook. I hope to reach out through that medium to the world as 'The Sweet Hippie Chick' and do something positive in the realm of social justice. My biggest issues are of course lgbt+ and also incarceration and addiction. Of course there are many more things going on that I hope to give a platform to. I'm pretty excited about it. btw To all the wonderful folks that have been texting or requesting video chats, I've been overwhelmed with hundreds of such requests everyday and it's impossible for me to even begin to accept or answer them. I wish I could and I want to get to know you all - there's just too many.

I guess that's it for now...

So I'm going to wrap it up here. Thanks for sharing your time with me. Of course, your thoughts are very important to me and you may share by clicking the 'Comment' button at the end of this post. From The Sweet Hippie Chick, big hugs, much love, and best of blessings to you all always.